Raikou's inner demons
by Melissa Samuelsen
Summary: Raikou has some emotional baggage that he needs to sort through. But by keeping it bottled up he's just making things worse. Can Gau, his only friend and lover, help him in his time of need? WARNING: Yaoi undertones


"Raikou? Raikou-san?" A soft voice called from our bedroom. _Gau must be getting ready for work. Was it really already dawn?_ I must have lost track of the time. The sky was still black; no stars kept me company during my self-reflection.  
"Raikou-san this isn't funny. Where are you?"  
He was beginning to lose patience, his voice made that perfectly clear. That temper of his was always so short. "Out here Gau." To be honest I didn't want him joining me on the roof. In fact I didn't want him anywhere near me.  
Gau stepped out on the balcony and looked up. His body was shivering clad only in my nightshirt. "Why are you up there Raikou-sama. You had me worried."  
"How many times must I tell you to drop the honorifics? There is no need to be so formal." I stood and stretched, feeling my spine pop a few times. _Or so dramatic_ I thought placing both hands on the edge of the roof. Pushing myself into a handstand I flipped over the edge, landing a few inches before the man that shared my bed.  
"A least one more." He smiled. I knew that smile all to well. It was the "I know you won't talk about it but I'm here to listen" smile he's been giving me more and more frequently. "Let's go inside. It's cold."  
"Maybe if you wore pants you'd be warmer."  
"But it's laundry day. I have nothing clean"  
I wasn't listening. Instead I turned and made my way to the bed without even giving him a chance to reply. Sitting on the edge of the bed I sighed much louder than I had intended. Gau looked at me from behind the sheer curtain in front of the door that separated us, a look of worry and hurt in his sad green eyes.  
"Forgive me, I know it's not my place" he whimpered. "But please tell me what's bothering you Raikou."  
"Nothing." The lies had become easier. They no longer felt like poison in my mouth.  
"Then why do you go days without sleep?" He made his way to me, standing just out of my reach with his hands behind his back. I don't I've ever seen him so vulnerable before. "And when you do sleep…you cry."  
"Samurai don't cry." I could feel him place a small hand on each side of me face and lift is slowly. Although I refused to meet his eyes I could feel the gaze of his emerald eyes on me.  
"You're crying now Raikou."  
_Am I really? How pathetic._ Both of my arms wrapped around his thin frame and pulled him close. I laid my face against his chest. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."  
"It's alright." One of his hands held the back of my head, caressing me lovingly.  
"I never meant to hurt you…I'm sorry Gau." The words came out as small sobs. "Everything I do…everyone I love I hurt. Yuri, Raimei…you. It's all my fault. I destroy everything I hold most dear. I'm sorry."  
"There is nothing to apologize for."  
"I'm a horrible person."  
"That's not true." Although he tried to hide it he was crying as well. "There isn't a kinder person in this or the Nabari world then my Raikou. You saved me, remember? And you wanted to help Yuri and Raimei. You wanted to protect them. That's just how you are. You help those that don't have the strength to do it themself. You are their strength." I could feel his tears land on my head as he held me tighter. "Please don't cry. And don't blame yourself. None of us do. In fact we're grateful. We got to have you as part of our lives."  
_Do you really mean that? Even with all the pain I've caused you, all the things I've done you don't regret our meeting?_ I finally looked up, able to meet his eyes for the first time in weeks. It pained me to see such sorrow in them, and know that I caused it. Gau always would feel my emotions for me. Although he didn't know it he was the stronger one.  
"Come one. Let's go to bed. You look like you need some rest." He shifted his weight and pushed me back onto the mattress. After crawling over to his pillow he tossed the blankets and scurried underneath them.  
"What about work? Won't they need you in the office?" I followed behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my face into his back.  
"They can last one day without me. Besides I need to make sure my Raikou-sama gets his beauty rest."  
A soft chuckle escaped me, muffled by his fabric of Gau's shirt. "How many times must I tell you to drop the honorific?"  
"At least one more time."


End file.
